Setting Expectations
Setting clear expectations for your au pair and your family is the key to success! While you should outline all of these details in your family profile and discuss with au pair candidates prior to their arrival to your home, here are some strategies to boost your chances of having a near-perfect au pair experience:
– Prep Your Children For Your Au Pair’s Arrival: I’ve worked with families that recently experienced divorce, a death, a move to a new home/new school, a switch from a nanny to an au pair. Any change can be difficult for a child so it is important to make them part of the process if they are old enough to understand this change in setup! Once you have found the best au pair for your family’s needs (or you are honing in on your top 2 or 3), be sure to get your kids on that skype call and meet their potential, future au pair. Let them ask questions, express themselves, and allow the au pair candidate to get to know their future host kids. If there are a couple of au pair candidates that you truly like and there aren’t significant differences that pull you to one or the other, talk to your kids and see what they like or don’t like about the au pair(s) you are considering. What is important to them? Now, I’m not saying that you should take into consideration EVERYTHING your child wants, but it’s nice to include your child in the process so when your au pair does arrive, your child feels empowered to be helpful, welcoming, and included. After all, this person will be spending a majority of their time with your little one so why not make them part of the process? So, ask your kids – Is one sillier? more organized? more talkative? sportier? What are some key traits that draw your children to that particular candidate?
– Once you’ve chosen THE ONE, it’s important for the children to know that you, the host parents, and the au pair are a team. Together, you make the family stronger! Your au pair is there to help your family and every family member should be welcoming to ensure success. Make sure you build in some time for all of you to spend together. Whether it is just for a couple of hours or a full day of transitional care, this orientation period will put everyone at ease and helps your child see that you trust your au pair and have mutual respect for each other. By the time your first day away arrives, the transition will feel much more natural. Your child will also see that they have gained a new companion rather than lost a parent.
– Share Your Household Rules: It may seem obvious to you that the kitchen table should be wiped down after use or the stroller should be folded and put in the garage when you are completing your walk. However, this may not be obvious to your au pair! Please share your household rules and expectations before you offer the job to an au pair candidate in addition to day one and throughout those first weeks. It is totally fine to offer constructive criticism and let your au pair know what you would like done differently. Remember – different language, different culture, different household! It’s a lot to remember and with guidance, she will get it! What you should not do is ignore what is bothering you. This is the best way for any annoyance you may have to snowball. I highly recommend creating a Household Handbook to communicate all of your expectations, family personality, and household rules. You can give your au pair a copy of your handbook before she arrives, review it as soon as she settles in, and go over any missed sections a couple of weeks later. This way your pair has a way to look back at her copy in case she is unclear on how to do something that is important. Remember, au pairs are not professional nannies. With a lot of guidance and prep work, you are setting yourselves up for success!
– Talk, Talk, and More Talk: Even the little details can be important, but remember that too much information that first day or two or three can be overwhelming! Remember, English is not the first language for most au pairs and even if it is, this is a new family and they have to get used to your family personality. There is a lot of detail to your family that you may not realize until you begin to discuss it with your au pair! They have to study you and learn what is important to your family’s needs. Before your au pair even starts, I highly recommend writing out a daily communication log that outlines the typical day for your child. Email it before she arrives so she can become familiar with it. This should include things like what helps your child calm down when they are upset, meal choices, and acceptable activities. Even the best caregivers can’t remember everything, so make sure they are armed with all the info they need right at their fingertips. A communication log is easy to follow and very clear for things that may change or pop up in the schedule like activities, birthday parties, or even grocery items that you need for a particular day.
– Be A Model: During those introductory visits or first 72 hours with an au pair, model the type of interactions you want your provider to have with your child. Actions speak louder words, so use the transitional time you have together as instructional as well as informational.
You have done A LOT of work to find THE ONE! So, let’s get started on the right foot. Remember, au pairs are not professional nannies. With guidance from the beginning and a whole lot of communication, you will set your au pair up for success, your children will feel safe and secure with their confident new au pair and you can relax knowing your kids are in great hands!